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Beats 1 rebrands as Apple Music 1

By | Published on Wednesday 19 August 2020

Remember how, for a brief moment in digital music history, Beats wasn’t just the name of a shitty headphones brand, it was also the name of a super exciting ground breaking streaming service? Then Apple, king of the downloads, bought up the Beats empire. But was it for the headphones or was it for the streams? That’s what everyone wondered.

Would Beats Music be the long expected iStream? Would Apple use its newly acquired popular-with-the-kids Beats brand for that inevitable shift into streaming? No, no it wouldn’t.

But worry not Beats fans, because the streaming incarnation of Dr Dre’s over-priced cans lived on via a much hyped and occasionally listened to online radio station known as Beats 1. And, that, I guess, brings us all the way up to 2015.

But, people, now it’s 2020 and Beats 1 is no more. Beats 1 is gone. Beats 1 is dead. Beats 1 is forgotten. What was Beats 1? Did you say Beats 1? Never heard of it! Never even conceived of it! It never even existed! No, forget Beats 1! Fuck Beats 1! All hail Apple Music 1.

So yeah, Apple has rebranded the online radio station that accompanies its music platform as Apple Music 1. But not only that, it’s also launched two brand new global radio stations as well, just like everyone speculated it would back in, well, 2015. And why the hell not? After all, as Apple boss Tim Cook tweeted yesterday, “music has the power to heal and to bring us together”.

And what are these all-new Apple-owned global radio stations called? Fuck Fortnite FM and Screw Spotify Sounds? That would be fun, wouldn’t it? But not very “healing” I guess.

And Apple stopped being fun in 2006, of course. No, the new stations will be known as Apple Music Hits and Apple Music Country, you know, as if the innovative tech giant’s branding team sought all their inspiration from the Bauer Media radio brands page.

“For the past five years, if ever there was a meaningful moment in music culture, Beats 1 was there bringing human curation to the forefront and drawing in listeners with exclusive shows from some of the most innovative, respected, and beloved people in music”, reckons the somewhat hyperbolic Oliver Schusser, VP of Apple Music, Beats And International Content.

“Now, Apple Music Radio provides an unparalleled global platform for artists across all genres to talk about, create, and share music with their fans”, he waffles on, hyperbole still in effect. And, he adds, “this is just the beginning. We will continue to invest in live radio and create opportunities for listeners around the world to connect with the music they love”.

So, yeah, Apple, streams, music, more radio stations, flim, flam, wibble, wobble, whatnot. Or, as they say in radio land, lock it in and rip the knob off!