And Finally Artist News

Big One Direction news

By | Published on Tuesday 25 February 2014

One Direction

One Direction are not, repeat, are not, I mean, please, take note of this, and believe me when I say what I say, and I urge you to stop anyone, anywhere, whoever they may be, and whatever sources they may cite, from ever even thinking that this might be so, because, you see, and this really is very important, in fact you ought to all write this up on your office whiteboard, and if you don’t have an office whiteboard, you really ought to buy one, because they are especially useful for recording any ideas that come up during team brainstorming sessions, as well as for writing up important news like this, so that everyone who works for your organisation isn’t under any misapprehensions whatsoever, though I do admit that a flip chart will suffice for this purpose too, providing this particular message is always at the top of whichever page is showing at any one time, because you wouldn’t want even your one-afternoon-a-week book-keeper to miss out on this bit of information, nor that intern who comes in two days a week, but totally legally because you’re either paying them minimum wage or you’ve fulfilled the criteria set out by Her Majesty’s Revenue & Customs for unpaid interns, but they need to know this information, and frankly you telling them this is probably worth four hours of free labour, because then they’ll know that One Direction, and this is the bit you have to really listen to, One Direction are NOT, I say, NOT on the verge of breaking up.

Look, this is what Harry Styles told The Sun. “We’re not breaking up”.

I bet you feel really silly right now. And if you’re one of those people claiming that you never even said or thought or reckoned that One Direction were on the verge of breaking up, well, all I can say is you’ve never got to deadline and realised you had no And Finally story, thrown a tabloid newspaper in the air and gone with which ever bit of music gossip you found first, however pointless it might be. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is journalism. Well, it would be if I’d written this as a list and stolen a few photos off Twitter.