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Artist News
Chart update – w/c 12 Jul 2010
By CMU Editorial | Published on Monday 12 July 2010
So, the World Cup is over for another four years, during which time Spain will officially be the best football team in the world, no matter what that octopus says. But four years is a long time, and a lot can happen in that period, surely Spain shouldn’t just have that title by default until 2014?
Which is why I am proposing a new system for deciding which nationality is best at kicking balls around fields. Rather than waiting every four years, every national side should have to play ever other national side every seven days, so we have an accurate survey of each country’s ball skills on a weekly basis. The winner of this weekly tournament would be announced every Sunday afternoon on Radio 1, as part of the Top 40 show.
Given football players will now have to play 195 games a week, on top of all their normal league matches, there’s bound to be quite a lot of injuries and maybe even some deaths. I’ve not done the maths, but it’s possible they’ll have to play 24/7. But if that means the average footballer only lasts a few weeks, during which time they experience a constant threat of heart failure, at least they’ll finally be earning those stupid salaries. And they won’t have time to cheat on their pop star girlfriends.
I suspect FIFA aren’t up to running such a project, so I’m proposing the Official Charts Company take over the World Cup, given they’re used to overseeing weekly competitions. Then if times get even harder than they are now, we have the option of just merging the football with the music charts.
Anyway, while we’re waiting for the OK on that from Gary Lineker (he runs football, right?), let’s take a look at the aforementioned music top 40. Topping the singles chart this week are a bunch of plucky newcomers from the south east who’ve been making big waves of late, JLS. Despite picking up a yellow card for overuse of Autotune and references to ‘The Sound Of Music’, the team pulled ahead of the previously unbeatable Katy Perry and Snoop Dogg to take the trophy.
Also new in the league (by which I mean chart) this week are ‘We No Speak Americano’ by Yolanda Be Cool Vs D Cup at five (as opposed to ‘We No Speak Americano’ by Marco Calliari, which was last week’s 26 and this week falls to 63), ‘My First Kiss’ by 3OH!3 feat Ke$ha at seven, ‘Pack Up’ by Eliza Doolittle at twelve, and ‘I Am Who I Am’ by Lee Ryan at 33.
Over in the album chart, as predicted (by me, not the psychic octopus), Kylie Minogue’s ‘Aphrodite’ has gone straight in at the top, kicking Eminem’s ‘Recovery’ down into the gutter (or number two, as it is also known).
Other new entries this week come from Enrique Iglesias at six with ‘Euphoria’, ‘Renegades’ by Feeder at sixteen, ‘Rock Choir Vol 1’ by the Rock Choir at nineteen, ‘Sky At Night’ by I Am Kloot at 24, and ‘Beneath This Burning Shoreline’ by Cherry Ghost right down the bottom at 40.
Some people are on the chart, they think it’s compiled by The Official Charts Company. It is now!
