And Finally

Coldplay glowbands haunt fans at night

By | Published on Thursday 14 June 2012


Well, it’s about time. Controversy has at long last caught up with Coldplay – and it’s those damned innovative ‘Xylobands’ that are once again to blame. Following the confession that the initial concept for the wristbands – which are handed out to crowds at Chris Martin et al’s live appearances and flash in time with the music – came from an inventor of “mobile phone vibrating sex toys”, the luminous LED bracelets have now further disturbed fans by lighting up at night without warning.

“My Xyloband woke me up in the middle of the night and it’s still glowing”, complained one fan via an online message forum, while a Belgian wristband-wearer wrote: “Mine is alive! It started flickering about an hour ago”.

As sinister as all this might sound, Clive Banks of Xyloband-makers RB Concepts insists that neither he nor the band are part of any evil conspiracy to enslave the human race – “there’s no mind control or tracking, they are just for fun” he told the Independent. Explaining the malfunctioning, he said the bands may re-light if ever in a two kilometre radius of a Coldplay concert. If I was mean, I’d now say something about not wanting to go within a million kilometres of a Coldplay concert anyway, Xylobands or no Xylobands. But I’m not, so I won’t.

Elsewhere in Xyloband news, Chris Martin recently complained about the expense of the bands, with new ones having to be handed out for every show because lawyers ruled against re-use so as not to transmit wrist-based diseases from fan to fan (hear that Coldplay fans? They just called you diseased). Said the Coldplay frontman: “Most of the money we’re earning on the tour is put into the wristbands. We have to figure out how to keep it going without going broke because it’s a crucial part of the concert”.