Artist News

Paul McCartney to publish new children’s book

By | Published on Friday 28 September 2018

Paul McCartney

Because all celebrities are now obliged to put out several children’s books, Paul McCartney has announced that he is publishing another bit of literature for the kids.

It’s called ‘Hey Grandude’. And if that title doesn’t fill you with a sinking sense of despair and dread, I don’t think you’re ready to be a parent. Oh, but it gets worse. I’ll just warn you now, I’m going to share a quote from McCartney in a moment that’s going to make you involuntarily kick something.

The story follows a magical old man called Grandude who has four grandchildren. “He calls them ‘Chillers'”, explains McCartney, with no regard for anyone’s well-being. “They love him and they go on adventures with him and he’s kind of magical, so you’ll see that in the book. I wanted to write it for grandparents everywhere – and the kids – so it gives you something to read to the grandkids at bedtime”.

It turns out, by the way, that it’s one of McCartney’s own grandchildren who’s responsible for this shit.

“I’ve got eight grandchildren and they’re all beautiful”, he says, adding some unnecessary detail. “One day one of them said to me ‘Hey Grandude!’. I said ‘What?’ and I thought, I kind of like that, so from then on I was kind of known as Grandude”.

He doesn’t even remember which one it was. Either that or he’s protecting their identity. Whatever, this fucking plunge into the lowest level of hell will be published in September next year, unless someone does something about it. Here’s a video of McCartney goading you all with it: