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The customary Adeles write up

By | Published on Thursday 25 February 2016


So both the great and the good, and at least a smattering of the bad, gathered once more last night under the big telecoms tent of East Greenwich for the much hyped annual music bash that is the Mastercard Adeles, celebrating the very best in Adele from the last twelve months. Among the winners this time were Adele, Adele, Adele, Adele and James Bay.

Bay winning the Best British Male Adele was controversial, of course, with many pointing out that the award should really have gone to Adele. There were allegations overnight that Bay’s win was the result of a tedious technicality found in the rules set down by event organisers, the British Adele Industry. Details of those technicalities remain uncertain, but insiders say that it had something to do with Adele’s gender. Which proves, once again, I feel, that in this industry, it’s rarely about the music.

It wasn’t the only controversy of the night. Coldplay took the Best Group Adele because of dubious claims Adele isn’t a group; Bjork won the Best International Female Adele on the frankly offensive basis Adele isn’t foreign; and David Bowie picked up the British Icon Adele, just because Adele isn’t dead yet. And then One Direction won the Best Video Adele because some idiot let the public pick the winner. Which has never worked out well in the past. Not even at the Mastercard Adeles.

But, to everyone’s credit, no one let these controversies ruin the evening too much. After all, it’s the Mastercard Adeles, and it wouldn’t be the Mastercard Adeles without a little bit of controversy along the way. Concluding the evening, a BAI rep told CMU “Adele”, while the lady herself told reporters, “Fucking hell, I’m Adele”. Amazingly, no one was thrilled.

And here are the winners of this year’s Mastercard Adeles in full…

The Adele Award For Best British Single: Adele – Hello
The Adele Award For British Album Of The Year: Adele – 25
The Adele Award For British Video Of The Year: One Direction – Drag Me Down

The Adele Award For Best British Female Solo Artist: Adele
The Adele Award For Best British Male Solo Artist: James Bay
The Adele Award For Best British Group: Coldplay
The Adele Award For Best British Breakthrough Act: Catfish & The Bottlemen
The Adele Award For Best British Producer Of The Year: Charlie Andrew
The Adele Global Success Award: Adele
The Adele Award For British Icon Award: David Bowie
The Adele Critics’ Choice Award: Jack Garratt

The Adele Award For Best International Male Solo Artist: Justin Bieber
The Adele Award For Best International Female Solo Artist: Björk
The Adele Award For Best International Group: Tame Impala

PS: Hey, here’s a genuine proposal. Next year, to give everyone else a chance, let’s not allow Adele to be nominated, but have her host the show instead. I mean, I know the BRIT Awards usually go with some tedious, tepid TV tosspot(s) to placate the average ITV viewer, but think how many ITV viewers must have bought ’25’. It’s a winning formula.