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Tinder launches ‘festival mode’ for people who inexplicably want to interact with others at live music events

By | Published on Friday 3 May 2019

Festival Crowd

There’s a common misconception that festivals are about coming together and enjoying a shared experience with others. No, festivals are supposed to be a test of endurance where you watch as much live music as possible without interacting with other people or collapsing. So, more fool Tinder for introducing a new ‘festival mode’ to its dating app. Idiots.

The new feature allows you to add badges to your profile to show which music festivals you will be attending over the summer. People are talking about this being a way to connect with new people at those events.

I suppose the intention could be to show when you won’t be available for more conventional forms of dating back home. I mean, imagine paying all that money to attend a fine music festival and then spending your time there meeting people. New people at that! You can do that in any park or pop-up falafel restaurant all year round.

“It’s no secret that Tinder is a must-have app for singles attending music festivals around the world”, reckons Tinder CMO Jenny Campbell, revealing her low bar for secrets. “We consistently see a spike in Tinder use as tens of thousands of music fans come together, so we wanted to create a new experience that makes it easier to connect with other concert-goers before even setting foot on festival grounds. We’ve partnered with some of the biggest names in the entertainment and events industry to make that happen, and we couldn’t be more excited to help Tinder users find their crowd during these events for the rest of 2019”.

I’ve found my crowd, thank you. It consists of me and none of you fuckers. Whatever, apparently Tinder reckons people are going to want this new functionality. US festivals like Bonnaroo and Electric Daisy Carnival are getting in on the act. Over here in the UK, it will be in operation for events including British Summer Time, All Points East, Parklife and Lovebox.

Thanks to partnerships with Live Nation and AEG, Tinder will also have a physical presence at some of these events, giving away “complimentary merch”, “VIP upgrades”, and “shareable photo opportunities”, all of which sound awful.

“In an increasingly digitised world, people around the globe are flocking to Live Nation concerts and festivals in droves to experience connection where the emotional intensity is unmatched and the moments are unforgettable”, claims Live Nation’s Maureen Ford. “Music has a long history of bringing people together, and our partnership with Tinder allows us to bridge the digital and physical worlds to facilitate more meaningful connections between fans in real life”.

AEG’s Andrew Klein stops short of telling Maureen to fuck off with all that nonsense, but I think it’s implied with his utterly vacuous comment on the deal: “From Gulf Shores, Alabama to London, England, we strive to provide the most incredible musical festivals in the world. By partnering with Tinder this festival season, we’re THRILLED to offer such a unique service to our dedicated community of music fans”.

Hands up everyone here who considers themselves a member of AEG’s community of music fans. I thought so, absolutely no one. Therefore, I hereby announce my membership of this group, so I don’t have to hang out with any of you lot with your dating apps and shareable photo opps. Maybe I’ll set up my own festival where talking and eye contact are banned. That’s how a proper festival should be.